When God speaks...

I was asked to be a leader of a group of interns to PNG next summer. I said "yes". I'm really excited and hope I'm a good leader! I've been praying for my teammates and know that God is pulling me towards this. Here's something that not many people know: I was among some that were asked to lead the PNG internship last summer. It didn't feel right when I prayed about it, so I said "no" back then. I know that there are reasons why it was not time for me to lead and some have speculated on some of those, reassuring me of reasons they now see that they couldn't see then. It was the right decision.

Others often ask me, "how do you know what God says?" Honestly, there has never been a super easy answer to that question. Its not a voice that comes down or a coin I flip. Its not always the same leading or guidance that happened before. There are times that God can show us His will by something big, but most times, its subtle. For periods of time, He seems to be silent, like He's waiting to see if we really want to know and are going to pay attention if He shows us the way.

The Word of God shows us about God's character and God's will. "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." (Romans 12:2) With prayer, some advise from wise friends, knowing one's gifts as well as realizing comfort zones are often stretched, being honest with oneself and God, and taking time to listen through the noise around us, we can better renew our minds and follow the will of God.

There have been many of my friends who have gotten married. When I ask how they knew that their guy was the one, many have said, "you just know". I hate that answer. I always want a clear direction and I wouldn't mind a written out plan and route. I suppose that's me trying to control everything. That's not faith. Sometimes, its listening in the silence to what God might send. Other times, its praying and then stepping out in faith to see if God opens or closes a door. And still other times, its deciding if God is allowing an obstacle in our way so we can overcome it through Him, learning and growing more as we go.

Often times, I want to hang back or rush forward. Instead, I need to walk, hand in hand, with my Lord, fixing my eyes on Him.

I was talking to my mom the other day, and she made an interesting connection. She said that all of the things that went wrong on my trips to and from PNG (while on my own) were probably preparations. Though things could've turned out way worse (and thus I saw God's protection through them), the hardships that I encountered will help me be better equipped to take care of a group while in transit. (Just as a side note: while I was in PNG's country, I was usually with others that were looking out for me, so during that time, it wasn't very hard to be in transit or in difficult situations, should they arise.)

God hasn't let me down yet, and so I will not give up faith in Him or in what He is helping me to become. I'll just keep listening...

Cure for a Zombie

Do you ever feel like you're a zombie? Its like you can move and go throughout your day, but you're really not very "alive".

Lately, I've been feeling like this quite a bit. I can be super busy or doing nothing, and yet I can totally feel my brain slowly rotting as I get on social media, sit expressionless in front of the television, or don't see much of the sun. Its not about bashing social media or even media in general.

In fact, it was on a social media post from a friend that I was inspired to try again at making changes in my life.  (For example, consistent exercising, practicing guitar, being intentional about time with friends, and all those forgotten New Year's resolutions.) My lovely friend shared the following link and said she'd thought of me while reading this. If you take time to read it, I hope it touches you as well.

http://velvetashes.com/we-are-women-who/

When my days, from my point of view, look boring, unproductive, and ineffective to help people in some way, its a personal downer. "Will another day be wasted that I can't get back?" It can be hard to pick myself up the next day and say, "let's make this day better than the last"... but here, out of the ashes of a seemingly dead life, I am challenged. Challenged to look at the person I am, or was, or want to be, and regroup.

Life should not be pathetic and was never meant to be! I don't know if you may have felt like I have. Maybe so or maybe not. If so, I ask you to stand with me as we help each other get up and try again. We are not alone and we have so much life to live.

I guess, when I write all of this, I want to point out a few things:

First, it takes effort to truly live. Like the song "Try Again" by Aaliyah says, "If at first you don't succeed, you can dust if off and try again. Dust yourself off and try again." (I love the beat of the song!!) Life can get monotonous, so let's find and create ways to spice it up again!

Second, we mess up... and quite a bit if I may add, but it's just as it says in the "Dark Knight" movies. "Why do we fall?... so we can learn to pick ourselves up."

And third, we are not alone. As Luna Lovegood says (in Harry Potter), "Well if I were You-Know-Who, I'd want you to feel cut off from everyone else. Because if it's just you alone, you're not as much of a threat." We can make a difference if we understand that we are not alone. Praise God, because He's with us too!

So how do we cure the zombies inside us? Wake up ...and see above. ;)

Can I do this?: Pics #25 & 26

Since I didn't put a picture up yesterday, I'm putting up two (one for today and yesterday) as I think back to my time in 2011 with a good friend and two of my cousins. One thing though: I'm changing my challenge. I really don't know if I can do a picture everyday for an entire year. Let's face it, I've cheated a slight bit by putting up some pictures from years past. Its not a bad thing, but I don't want to do this just to do it. If I put something up here, I want it to mean something more than "look, I took a random picture today". I guess, since most of my time is spent at home (now-a-days... thanks to no consistent job as of yet), I feel like there's not too much to see or write about. Well, actually, there's almost always something to write about... but when it comes to snapping pictures, its not a all-the-time thing.

Anyway, I'm going to make the challenge for 50 pictures and it doesn't have to be an everyday thing. At the end of that, I'll re-evaluate to see how its going. Its almost like it becomes a hassle or routine if its for every day.

So, for today's (and yesterday's) pictures... They are of a friend and a time that I'm thinking about. When certain times of the year come, there are memories that are remembered along with them. My good friend, Megan, had the brilliant idea for us to take out my little cousins. We went ice skating and then had a bit of ice cream. I'm not that great at ice skating... or really any kind of skating... but I managed not to fall. I had been nervous because I didn't want to fall on top of one, or both, of my cousins. By the end of the day, everyone was tired out. It was fun and I was amazed at how fast the kids picked it up!

I miss bunches of friends. The sad reality is that many of my closest friends live hours (if not states or countries) away. We keep in touch, but its never the same as asking a friend, "hey, you wanna hang out?" and getting together right then. My friends that live nearer usually seem to be busy and some have changed to the point that we don't have too much in common with each other as we did before I left for PNG.

I don't want to be a downer. I do enjoy spending time with my family. I suppose that something's got to give as far as my social calendar. But for now, I'm just missing the time when friends and I were close (in proximity).

No Story Alone: Pic #24

I had been trying to take a good picture on the way to church, but it just didn't work out. On the way back, I really wanted to stop on the side of the road, but I wasn't driving, so we didn't. When I got home, I was determined to snap a photo of my beautiful mountains combined with so much color and now snow.

I asked if anyone wanted to come with me as I took a quick picture or two. Eli, my sister's husband was willing, so off we went. He asked why I'd asked for someone to go with me. I responded by saying that its not quite a story if no one else is there. For example, on my way home from PNG, I had tons of crazy adventures, but I can call someone up or look over at a friend and say, "hey, remember that time when...?" because no one was there with me. (Obviously God was with me, and though I can say that stuff to Him, it does seem to help if I can do that with people I can physically see too.)

In any case, this is the picture that I took. I love these mountains!!!

Christmas in November: Pic #23

I could tell something was different when I woke up this morning. I'd heard the forecasts the previous night, even saw some snow beginning to come down before bed, but I didn't give them much credit. There had been too many times when I would expect snow, look out my window, and frost would be it. Honestly, I didn't really like the thought of muddy, rainy, cold weather already.

I suppose that's what surprised me and kept me from returning to sleep in a bit more this morning. It was like Christmas was here early! I didn't think I had missed snow so much. After being in PNG for two winters, I hadn't seen snow in two years. I was so pumped up that I let the dogs out and in, fixed my breakfast, and ate it while staring at the snow. I felt like a kid who'd been waiting for snow forever.

Honestly, I've never been one that enjoys cold winds and slush, but if its going to be cold, it might as well snow! And not just snow, but stay for the day at least. (None of this... hmm, how to say it better... nope, I can't think of how... "half-ass" it stuff. None of that, and please do excuse the term. I honestly can't think of a better way to phrase it.)

Anyway, I even got to the point of playing some winter/Christmas songs. Now, to those of you who have your rule of not playing that kind of music until after Thanksgiving, I respect that. Why skip over a perfectly good holiday... but honestly, I will also do as I please in this and it just felt like it must be done.

On this day, I went out with my mom to purchase a few things. It was an adventure for sure and I'm pretty sure we caused our fair share of trouble in each and every place we went (there were four). In any case, it was a beautiful day, and I was enthralled to be surprised by such a day. (PS Time change happening tonight I'm told.)

Fortunate Family: Pic #22

It had felt like forever since hanging out with my middle brother. It was so good to hang out with him, my sister, and my mom for lunch today. We had a good time, and he even sang along with us in the car a bit. It seems to be the simple things as well as the relationships I treasure that make me enjoy life. I am fortunate to have the family that I do.

Since we ate at a Japanese place, we got fortune cookies. Mine said something about making an important, overdue decision in the future. Vague, yes... that's why they're in cookies... but I was presented with a decision that I will need to make in the coming weeks. I'm praying about it and seeing where God leads me on the decision. (Also, for a completely off-subject twist, I'm reading a book on the history of the Church and am finding myself really excited about it. Hmm... I guess I might be able to read other genres than fiction after all.)

I Saw the Sign: Pic #21

 

Six years ago (2008), I saw this sign in PNG and chuckled. Though I realize that AIDS is a serious thing, I still have an admiration for this picture. I enjoy looking back... as well as looking forward. And I must say I enjoy a bit of foreshadowing too.