When God speaks...

I was asked to be a leader of a group of interns to PNG next summer. I said "yes". I'm really excited and hope I'm a good leader! I've been praying for my teammates and know that God is pulling me towards this. Here's something that not many people know: I was among some that were asked to lead the PNG internship last summer. It didn't feel right when I prayed about it, so I said "no" back then. I know that there are reasons why it was not time for me to lead and some have speculated on some of those, reassuring me of reasons they now see that they couldn't see then. It was the right decision.

Others often ask me, "how do you know what God says?" Honestly, there has never been a super easy answer to that question. Its not a voice that comes down or a coin I flip. Its not always the same leading or guidance that happened before. There are times that God can show us His will by something big, but most times, its subtle. For periods of time, He seems to be silent, like He's waiting to see if we really want to know and are going to pay attention if He shows us the way.

The Word of God shows us about God's character and God's will. "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." (Romans 12:2) With prayer, some advise from wise friends, knowing one's gifts as well as realizing comfort zones are often stretched, being honest with oneself and God, and taking time to listen through the noise around us, we can better renew our minds and follow the will of God.

There have been many of my friends who have gotten married. When I ask how they knew that their guy was the one, many have said, "you just know". I hate that answer. I always want a clear direction and I wouldn't mind a written out plan and route. I suppose that's me trying to control everything. That's not faith. Sometimes, its listening in the silence to what God might send. Other times, its praying and then stepping out in faith to see if God opens or closes a door. And still other times, its deciding if God is allowing an obstacle in our way so we can overcome it through Him, learning and growing more as we go.

Often times, I want to hang back or rush forward. Instead, I need to walk, hand in hand, with my Lord, fixing my eyes on Him.

I was talking to my mom the other day, and she made an interesting connection. She said that all of the things that went wrong on my trips to and from PNG (while on my own) were probably preparations. Though things could've turned out way worse (and thus I saw God's protection through them), the hardships that I encountered will help me be better equipped to take care of a group while in transit. (Just as a side note: while I was in PNG's country, I was usually with others that were looking out for me, so during that time, it wasn't very hard to be in transit or in difficult situations, should they arise.)

God hasn't let me down yet, and so I will not give up faith in Him or in what He is helping me to become. I'll just keep listening...