Iced

Today, I went out to find my car completely iced over!  It took a while to scrape most of it off so I could see in order to drive.  When I was cleaning off my car, I looked down.  Beneath my boots was a layer of ice and on the other side I could clearly see leaves that seemed to be floating on a layer of water.  I wasn't on a pond or anything (just my parking lot).  I laughed to myself and continued scraping ice.  Ice (when I picture it in my mind) seems clear and beautiful.  It can break too easily at times (which is why you have to make sure where you skate is safe).

As I began driving, I knew that I had to be a bit more careful than most days I drive.  Ice and slush seemed to be all over the roads and I didn't really feel like getting into a car accident.  The thing about ice is that its hard to see at times.  I turned left at a light and found my car moving in its own way (and not the way I was hoping for).  I didn't crash, but merely slid into the lane (a bit more out of control than I'd like).  Ice may be beautiful to the mind and the eye, but living with it in real life is something totally different.  Its like a lion.  In pictures, they seem lazy, cute, fuzzy animals.  In real life, they can kill things that run lots faster than I do.  I was driving back to my house and realized some branches had fallen into the street (some big branches).  The ice had made them way too heavy so they caved under the pressure.

Temptation is like ice in the winter.  It looks pretty and may even be invisible to some people.  It seems harmless, but once someone starts on its path, one can slip and fall easier.  Its harder to stop once you are going faster and can even break people.  Some think they can see pretty clearly through it, but it distorts the real thing and leads people incorrectly.  You might be getting the hang of skating through life, and then the ice breaks.

Beware of ice.

Dizziness

Do you ever get so caught up in everything in life... everything you have to do... that you literally get dizzy?  Lately each night that I've gotten in my car later at night and driven home, it happens.  First, I start to get really sad about those I'm leaving.  I don't want to leave but know I have to get home.  I catch myself doing this and tell myself, "you're just tired, Michelle; let's just get home and get to bed so you'll feel better."

Next thing I know, I'm even more emotional.  As I run through my day, issues seem to pop up.  That guest that was rude to me.  My relationship with my sister.  To have or not have a boyfriend.  And on and on and on.  Suddenly, I'm all worked up and trying not to cry so I can continue to see as I'm driving.  I'll talk to God about all of this and about who I am.  I look at how much I've changed and wonder if its for the better or worse.  I end up turning on the music and if there's a good song on, I'll sing with all the passion I've built up in me till I'm home.

I crash in bed after my usual routine of trying to wind down.  All of this combined leaves me extremely dizzy and confused.  It can be from sleepiness (or hungriness) to pushing these issues back because I don't seem to have time to really deal with them until I'm way too emotional and tired.  When I start thinking about it, I get dragged under the current of problems I have with me.  I feel like I'm drowning at times.

I'm not saying that I'm depressed or am constantly pushing away issues in my life.  I know, however, that I am an imperfect perfectionist who tries to control things way to much, ends up with way too much on my plate, and gets moody when I don't get enough sleep or food.  There are so many things one must balance.  In the end, how does one know if something is purely physical (not getting enough food) or spiritual/emotional (not dealing with the deeper issues)?

I'm like a bird...

I once presented a short introduction speech for my speech class.  We had to do a simile or metaphor for our life.  I chose mine from a Nelly Furtado song that starts with "I'm like a bird".  There are many similarities and now I have another one.

Thanks to a friend's directions, I found a place to take self defense.  I've done two classes of Aikido which is a type of martial arts that means harmony.  The third time I went, I learned more about Kung Fu!  I got to have one on one with Jenny as my instructor.  The main teacher at the school preceded to tell me that I would do well at the Crain style.  From what I've already learned of it, I love it!  Its fierce but graceful.  I'm ready to take it up a notch and fly!  Whoo hoo!!!!!