Time

When I was in high school, I always looked forward to summer breaks.  Who doesn't?  Most of it was spent in a routine of breakfast, cleaning, fixing lunch for the kids, and going out onto the front porch to read in the sun.  I never felt like I was waisting time.  I was in my own world, enjoying the day until Mom and Dad would come home.  It was peaceful, steady, and I felt good not watching tv. 

My days aren't quite like that anymore.  I get up, take the dogs out, eat, hang a bit with Dad, do letters and calls to churches to raise funds, clean (lots if I get in the mood), and other random things until the boys and Mom come home (unless I need to pick someone up).  There's a tiny bit of routine, but I feel like I don't get outside enough (which winter often does anyway) and I'm constantly feeling like I need to do more.  I get things done, but it doesn't feel like its enough.  I feel like I'm waisting time even though I'm busy. 

So what's the difference?  One was a break; the other's work.  One has sunshine; the other's in winter.  One has inner peace, the other worries on my mind.  I could totally be a bum on a beach and have total peace with it.  Still, I know that the work I do now is worth it.  Though I'd probably be a good beach bum, I know this to be what I need to do.  I just need the peace of sitting on my front porch in order to excel even more at what I'm doing... and a little more sun wouldn't hurt either. 

Winter Sun

Do you ever get down in the winter?  I don't mean dancing.  I'm talking about emotions.  There are times when I feel sad for no good reason.  So what do I blame?  ...the weather.  It makes total sense.  There's just not much sun during this time of year.  I'm not saying that I need tons of sun.  I usually burn very easy.  However, I need some sunlight. 

Its just healthy.  When its cold, I usually want to stay inside where its nice and warm.  By doing this, though, I end up depriving myself of sunlight.  Everyone needs vitamin D.  Some people go to tanning beds, others just take vitamins, and I just need the real thing. 

I guess its good that I'm planning on going to Papua New Guinea (since its way closer to the equator).  If you find yourself getting sad and don't know why, it may just be that you need more sunlight... so take a little time and get moving outside in the winter sun.  Stay warm!!!

Back in Town

We pulled into the driveway around 1am EST on Christmas Eve and it felt wonderful to get home!  We've had Christmas celebrations, quality time with family, and I got to go see people at church whom I love.  Mom, my sister, and I sang a trio, and tonight, mom and I went to a zumba class (that was free). 

One special moment I had today happened after mom, dad, and I went to the laundry mat.  We had put the clothes in to wash and walked to a convinent store next door.  I got some french vanilla cappacino while mom and dad got soft drinks.  When we walked out the door, there was an employee that was coming back in.  She had a cigarette in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other.  She threw away her smoke and said that she found the bottle behind the store.  She then asked us if we wanted a shot of vodka... and then said, "I'm just kidding!"  I later wondered if she was kidding about offering to share or if she was kidding about finding the bottle (that seemed to be hers).  Oh how I love being home! 

The world is filled with so many interesting characters... as well as laughter from what they say.  Its so good to be home!

Here at the End of All Things

Frodo Baggins once said, "I'm glad to be with you, Samwise Gamgee; here at the end of all things."  We all know that the movie didn't end there.  In fact, it had many fade-outs that made one think it was the end, when, in fact, it just kept going for those of us who apparently need more closure than others.  In the same respect, I write to you tonight.

This week is the end of all things... but not.  Sunday was the last performance of the Christmas Choir (for me anyway).  Monday was the last day for Language Acquisition and Tuesday (today) was the last day for Foundations of Ministry.  Tomorrow will be the last day of Ministry to the Muslim World and Thursday will be the last day for Church Planting.  This isn't all, though. 

Saturday will be the last day I'll be living in Texas (for a very long time as I can foresee as of now) and many people are heading out tomorrow (back to their homes for Christmas and/or going to the mission field).  Even now, I just experienced the last episode of season 10 of Stargate SG-1 (which I have loved and hate to have it go). 

Just like the movie of "Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King", this is not the end.  Also, within that movie was a wonderful quote from Gandalf:  "End?  No, the journey does not end here."  I know he's primarily talking about death, but all of life is a journey, and a journey implies many transitions.  That is all this is.  This time is a transition.  Though transitions are difficult, they are a way to progress and lean on God even more.  There is nothing else more steady for a world with so many changes, transitions, and journeys. 

Week of Homework and Thanks

For a while, I've gotten the opportunity to dog-sit and house-sit nearer to where I'm taking classes.  This last week, classes were cancelled (for Thanksgiving break) and the person whose dog I was taking care of came and picked him up.  I was all by myself, except for my dog Toby, and though Toby had stitches and a couple of complications, its been great.

For most people, I hear its difficult to focus and do homework.  For the rare few that seem to do this naturally, I applaud you.  I'm not really that kind though.  This is the second round of classes I've had, and I still needed to get two papers from the first round done.  I now have only three more weeks of classes left and decided that this was the best chance of me catching up and (possibly) getting ahead I'd ever get.  ...so I took it. 

I divided ALL of the work I could do (without the rest of class time), and split it up.  Now, looking back at this week, I can see how much I've done!  Its incredible!  I wanted to do all of my work so all I have to finish at the end of these next three weeks would be the last bits of two (maybe three) papers and a smaller amount of reading.  So far, its worked.  Tonight, though, I just can't quite focus.  Oh well.  I'm getting there.

After giving some thanks on Thursday (and Friday, because of my dog being alright), I look back tonight and continue gushing out gratitude for getting so much homework done (where I probably never would've if I didn't get the chance to do some house-sitting).  Praise God!

Seeing the Unseen

After a long days work, I decided I needed to chill.  Toby seemed happy to finally be out of his cage and we watched a movie together.  In the middle of it, he starts kind of freaking out.  Since I'm staying at the house of friends who are out of town, I make sure things are locked up and am pretty sure I could hear someone sneaking in.  I paused the movie, got a knife, and started looking around where Toby did not want to go (and was somewhat growling at).  I didn't find anything or anyone.  He was still hesitant to go around there while I finished the movie.

Could he have seen something unseen?  (I think of Balaam's donkey... Let's hope there's not an angel out to get me... or anything else for that matter.)

People at Starbucks

I've realized that I come to Starbucks a lot recently.  I do love their drinks and the ambiance of the coffee shop, but the main reason I come here is to get things done.  I try so hard at the house, but either I'll get distracted by something else I need to do or my little cousins will come in and want to play.  I just can't really focus.  Plus, I know almost all of my songs and end up singing along whereas (at Starbucks) I don't know all the songs and they usually play a good set of songs to listen to as well as focus in on other things.

Each time I've come here, I always notice the people.  One of the first times I came to study, I met Alex (who works here).  He and I talked about linguistics and missions and overseas ... and he got me a really big glass of water.  The next time I came, he introduced me to Kevin and Nick (who also work here).  I've met one of my friends from class to study; started up a conversation with a French guy named Jon Pierre; been in between a table of Americans (speaking English) and a table of Asians (speaking, I believe, Mandarin Chinese); been asked to watch a couple's things; and been told by a guy with a cool hat and skateboard that he liked my toe ring (but didn't want to say anything at first just in case I though he was creepy). 

There are so many different, unique, interesting people here... not just at Starbucks, but in this world.  There are too many times that the Christian community doesn't realize this and stays in a bubble of somewhat "clones".  God has made each of us unique. 

I had had issues (and am still dealing with some) with who I am and who I'm becoming.  I've heard countless times about wanting to become more like Jesus.  For some reason, my mind began wondering if Jesus ever would play a guitar or laughs at random thoughts that reminds him of past experiences.  For some reason, I thought that I would end up becoming a cookie-cutter clone that is like everyone else.  I'm trying to remember everyday that the underlying meaning of the character of Jesus is what is beautiful in becoming.  It doesn't mean I give up being who God made me and is shaping me into.  Its a meshing of souls (letting him take over and having him sculpt what he already put there that's special to just me).