Motivations (blog from November)

We Christians seem to have a few unspoken expectations... and yet I suppose, at one time or another, they are spoken. A big one is “God is first”. I don’t disagree and, though many may put on a front to fulfill this expectation for those who have it, this post is not about them (and I’m including me in that because I’ve done it too).

Lately, I’ve been needing a bit of focus and motivation. When I mess up while cooking (has been happening way more than usual recently), I need something to spur me on so I can try new recipes or at least get the ones I’ve been living on right. When I’m at work, I strive to have enough focus to complete the huge task that I’m hoping to complete without boredom (I’ve realized that offices aren’t places where I focus best). Even exercising, I need that bit of motivation to push myself when I’m getting tired (and sometimes motivation to do it in the first place).

For things like caring for dogs (that aren’t mine and for those that are...), that is motivation enough. I’m not saying I want to be an official “dog trainer”, but being with people and cute animals, outside, and getting to move around really makes me happy.

But for now, back to what my issue is. I find myself doing things for others. God is a part of that, but shouldn’t he be all? ...ya know, the whole reason for why I do things?

Cloudy Day from October

There’s something about rain, listening to James Taylor, and staring in the face of a huge task and thus wanting to procrastinate that makes me more inclined to sit with a cup of coffee or tea and write a blog. Plus, the fact that I’m missing (once again) my beautiful Tennessee Autumn time and the cool crisp in the air increases the inclination. I feel like a little child throwing a fit inwardly, constantly repeating “I don’t wanna! No! I don’t wanna!” So here I am. At the beginning (again) of this task that will change who-knows how many times and will have to be redone (not just tweak) over and over. Is it worth it?

To the guys that traveled on a PMV for hours, probably. For those they will take the literacy kits to, most likely. For the possible change that all of this can effect and the feed back to make it better, sure. But absolutely for those who will learn how to read their heart language and be closer to interacting with God’s Word, it is worth it. So, I start... again. Like a continuous board game that goes around and around, I’m going again. I’ll be back to the States again one day... but for now, I’ve got a job to do. Let’s pump up the jam...

What a somber day. Yes, after some conversation on what word to actually use in describing this rainy day, that’s the word. Not depressing necessarily, but solemn with a bit of gray. One of those days I just want to curl up in a blanket (or something lighter, being here in the tropics... though it can give off the feel of being cool) and read all day. Almost a do-nothing day. Thank the Lord above that its Friday!!!!!!!

“You gotta get up and try, try, try...” ~P!nk  Yep, who knew this’d be a motivator?

At Sixteen Months

 Sixteen months. Just saying “a year” doesn’t quite cut it at this point. Its been more than that. There are friends that have commented that 16 can’t be correct; it feels longer than that. I suppose when you miss someone who is far away, it can seem prolonged. I’m technically out of sight (except for newsletters and other communication methods) yet not completely out of mind.

Sixteen months in Papua New Guinea. That’s about the span of time that I spent managing and living at a guest house after college. But my time here isn’t over quite yet. I have about 5 months (4 and 1/2 more specifically) until I get back to the States. While I’m there, I’ll reevaluate what’s next (if I’m to come back here or do something else). My mind has already started the evaluation process, but my decision will be made in the States (unless God gives me a clear path before that time).

The office seems to be less occupied than usual. Many people are either on furlough, going on furlough, on vacation, going finish, or out on different locations (in a village or up at Uka). Its odd. I suppose this is another reminder of our lives in transition. We might not be the ones leaving, but others do. I really appreciate the people that work here. I hope that my leaving doesn’t dampen anyone’s spirits.

Holidays are coming up, and its still often sunny and hot here. There’s no snow and Thanksgiving (on the last Thursday of the month of November) isn’t an official holiday here in PNG. Don’t worry. Its the one USA holiday that we get time off for. (We get holidays like Christmas too, but that’s a PNG holiday as well.)

One thing about being in a foreign country: underlying traits and motives can be seen in oneself easier than in one’s own culture. I see some things I need to change about myself, some things that I need to enhance as well as refine, and some things that are simply me. It can be difficult realizing certain ways or traits aren’t best and should be changed. The other side of it is rewarding for the chance to improve and strengthen oneself to live a more enriched life (for God’s glory).

There are times I want to go back to the States. Times I want to live in my own dreams, and then my eyes open, focus, and I wake up. I look around and notice that I have a purpose here. I have things to finish, people to love on, and blessings to thank God for. There will be a time to go back Stateside, but for now, I’ll live and serve where I am.

Where are you?

Diverse Unity

Sunscreen, check. Water, check. Camera, double check. It was a beautiful day on the 24th of August and perfect for heading to a cultural show. I’d been to one before (last year), but the one I went to wasn’t as densely attended as this one. As our group stood in line to get in through the gate, another group (all dressed up, dancing and singing) passed us. What a way to make an entrance! When we got inside, there were many different groups practicing their traditional “singsings” (dances and songs). Various groups were painted and dressed up, some in bright colors, others in more earthy colors. After a while, it was slightly overwhelming.

Through the assorted groups and styles, I got to step back and see what Papua New Guinea (and more over, all of the world) is about. There are many ways to do one thing and we’re all so different. However, through all of our diversity, we are the same. We are flesh and blood and spirit. We desperately seek our purpose for being here on the earth. The great thing is that God has revealed what that purpose is. Exalt God and care for others. (Matt. 22:37-39) I thank God that He has made us all unique. Life would be boring if He hadn’t. But I also praise Him when we can come together in unity despite our differences.

Walk the Line

There is often wisdom shared from God’s Word (as well as other sources) about the downfalls of “pride”. Let’s face it, most (if not all) know the saying “Pride comes before a fall.” Many (once again, if not all) have experienced such examples personally or, in the least, had a first-hand view (for those out there who don’t like to admit falling). In the same respect, “low self-esteem” is something people usually try to avoid now-a-days. I have realized that both of these side-effects usually happen because of bad comparisons and such.

It all started quite a long time ago. “...Now Abel kept flocks, and Cain worked the soil. In the course of time, Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord. But Abel brought fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast.” (Gen. 4:2b-5)

Personally, I don’t claim to know all the exact details of this offering. For all I know, Cain simply decided to give what he’d tended to God. I didn’t read that he was keeping back his best, and though it may even be implied, that’s not what I want to focus on right now. Even before Cain and Abel, we know who the first liar was. No wonder I don’t like snakes. God even goes on to warn Cain about this creepy, sneaky, lil devil. “Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it.” (Gen. 4:6-7; my emphasis)

We know the rest of the sad story (and if you don’t, look it up). It was jealousy. It was a bad comparison. It was a lie. You heard who was at the door. Whether we think we’re “all that” (and better than anyone) or wish we were more like someone else, we’re falling for the lie.

So why am I writing about this...? Nope, haven’t killed anyone. Comparing is one of the many lessons I’ve been learning lately. I can lean both ways. Recently, I’ve started running with a group. I’ve learned that running is mostly mind over body. When I run, I find my mind battling against whether to stop or keep running (showing if I’m weak or not). When I’m around other hard-working Christians, I wonder if I’m working enough or if they think I’m lazy. When I have to speak publically after someone, I figure what I have to say isn’t really important. Then again, when someone makes a fool out of him or herself, I reason I’d never do that. When I rock something out (or do something well), people should take notice, right? Well... I think you get the point.

All of my life, I’ve looked at others and have either not measured up or think I’ve exceeded them. (Just a side note: this isn’t a 24/7 way of viewing people. I’m just saying that these side-effects reoccur.) Working here, I’m around amazing missionaries who have stuck it out for years and years (some for longer than I’ve been alive). They’ve got a tremendous work-ethic, are encouraging, and know SO much more than I do (along with the practical experience in their fields). On the other hand, there are also baby Christians here. I could make the point that I’ve been in the “family” almost all of my life, gone to Bible college, and have the Word of God not only in my own language, but, moreover, have other sources (commentaries, etc.) that can expand my understanding if I get confused. This isn’t exclusively about Pride and Prejudice ...umm, I mean Belittlement of one’s self. Its about lies and focus. Therefore, I came up with a few steps to hopefully counter these effects. (Yes, they all start with “R”.)

Step 1: Realize what’s up. Take notice of what’s going through your mind. If its a side-effect like pride or low self-esteem (with possible jealousy tendencies), its probably a safe bet its a trap set up by a freaky snake at your door.

Step 2: Remember who God is. He is Truth, Light, Creator, Savior, Father, Redeemer, etc. (really... keep naming His titles and meditate on His character). He’s our focus and the One we can strive to be like (and yet still accepts us as we are). [See Galatians 1:10 if you like.]

Step 3: After the refresher on God’s character, Recall who we are to Him. You are His child (which means you’re worth it to Him) and so are all those in the “family” (so they’re as worth it as you are). To everyone else who hasn’t yet gone through the adoption process, “The Lord ...is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” (2 Pet. 3:9) In other words (or the words of Owen Wilson in “Night At the Museum”), “I ain’t quittin’ you!” So I say “Hallelujah!”

Thus, here I am. Still a work in progress. I pray that God continues His work with all of us so that one day we will live in unity, truth, and light.

Getting Outside

I’d forgotten... no, not totally forgotten, but had my senses dulled to the fact that I have missed being outside so much! Its true, I am here in PNG. Almost anything grows (sometimes even without being planted) and its never far to the “bush” (or jungle). Therefore, why should I be missing “outside” so much (other than an office job lately)? However, I’m a woman. Believe it or not, that has a bit to do with it. Like other places in the world, its not always safe for women to be out on their own. Here, I have a “plus” factor of being white, so I don’t exactly blend right in, but (instead) stand out (and almost glow). When I’m out in public (even in a group), I’m typically super alert. This level of alertness can really take it out of ya. (*Note to myself: Never become a wanted criminal.)

Though we have fences surrounding where we live, people are always walking by and can easily look in (if the blinds are open or if I’m outside in the front and some areas in the back of the property). One more time: white women attract attention here.

All of this to say that I got to be outside AND exploring places I haven’t yet been because of the running group. Emily and Steve (along with others, when they’re in country) have been running most Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I was in the middle school track team, ran a few times in college with friends, and did a Mud Run race during my time in Dallas, but I don’t really consider myself a “runner”. (Seriously, I don’t often find enjoyment with it.) Its always struggle with the “mind over matter” concept. I know I’ve got the strength in me, if I’d only push on with it.

Its like an argument going on in my head:
“Come on, I do zumba so this should be nothing.”
“But I don’t feel too great. What if I throw up or pass out?”
“Shut up. Just keep your breathing pace and you’ll be fine.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t be pushing myself so fast. Shouldn’t I save up this energy for the end?”
“Don’t be such a wimp. Think of your brother. Its in your blood. He only goes fast or faster... so don’t stop.”
“...I can’t take it! It hurts so bad! I can’t do their pace, so why try? I’ll just walk really fast for a bit.”
“Don’t you dare stop!!!!  You know if you do its harder to run again!”
(Starts walking)
“I’m such a failure. A quitter. Worthless loser. Stupid.”
“Come on. Pretend you need to run from someone or maybe try to overtake the others. Go. Try again.”
(Starts running)
“Make up the distance. Its in your blood. Go. Yes! Push it! Think how ripped you’ll look! ...Done!”

Yep. That’s my mind. Through all this, when its done, I’m excited to go again. Running may help cardio and muscle, but if I can conquer my mind, I will be strong.  But back to my original topic...

I got some freedom outside! We ran around and through a golf course. At one point, I thought I smelled honeysuckle! It reminded me of home! And the beauty of the green grass, the ponds, the ocean, the trees... totally worth every second!

After stretching and convo, I filled up my water bottle, grabbed some crackers, put the tail gate down on the truck (that I parked in the back of my house where little to none can watch me), and enjoyed just being outside. Then came the screaming...

From the next yard over, a roaring commotion broke out. There were guys yelling, women and children screaming, and, from what I could gather, a fight going on. I couldn’t really see anything (since there are metal fences between the properties that aren’t see through), but noticed people on the street were heading closer to check out what was going on.  (Seriously, almost always someone around on the street.) I wondered if I should go inside, but didn’t feel in immediate danger. I prepped myself to move fast if necessary, but doubted they’d head over our fence rather than just run towards the street.

Things came to a halt soon enough and they began using their words to talk it out. It sounded like there was a mediator so when a voice would be raised, the mediator would calm them down again. My neighbor, Lori, who lives on the same property as I do (within the same gate) drove in and I told her what’d happened. She and I agreed that its “pasin bilong PNG” (or the way many here do things). People get so emotional so fast and lose it. No doubt anywhere we go, there will always be something people need to work on and improve.

Anyway, it died down and I went on inside. I’m still extremely blessed for my time outside. Getting to exercise does help people release stress, and those with whom I ran gave me many encouraging words. I can get pretty hard on myself (though when I’m trying to get through some things, I’d rather not have many words of encouragement for some reason), but they gave me these words after we were done, so I took them. I look forward to running with them as often as possible and eagerly anticipate kicking my butt (so it’ll... I mean “I” will look better as well as feel better too).

Picking Sides and Predicting Futures

When I was younger, I predicted the gender of all of my siblings.  It might’ve just been God humoring a little girl, but it was still cool to get a sister and two brothers after telling my mom that’s what was coming before each one.  I also tried to predict someone else’s baby and it didn’t work.  Thus, its not a perfected art or gift.  Still, it was cool that I could feel semi-confident in knowing some things before they happened.

In the same respect, I have now attended the three parties to watch the State of Origin rugby games (with the New South Wales Blues and the Queensland Maroons).  There are always three games, so whoever wins two out of three, wins.  On the first game, I rooted for the Blues.  They were the under dogs that hadn’t won against the Maroons in seven years …and so I dawned the blue face paint to cheer them on.  They won. 

However, I wanted to make an informed opinion about who to root for.  Thus, for the second game, I painted my face for the Maroons.  They won.  For the third game, I was a bit torn before the paint went on my face.  I had gone back and forth between the reasons I would cheer for each team.  I wanted the Blues to win because they hadn’t won the State of Origin in seven years.  I wanted the Maroons to win because they really worked well as a team and had a creative element in their plays.  In the end, I painted my face for both, but cheered for the Maroons.  They won.

It kind of makes me think.  In order to really be a fan, you root for your team no matter what, win or lose.  No changing sides.  This has merit and people are usually faithful to their team.  Faith and faithfulness are needed more in this world.  On the other hand, its cool seeing how things will probably pan out and therefore adjusting how we respond (even if that is changing where we’re standing). 

So here’s my points:  It may be beneficial to … 

1. Be aware of what’s going on.  Try to see patterns and motives so to act proactively, if possible

2. Be willing to change strategies, presuppositions, etc.  Flexibility is super important if you don’t want to break (think, a reed that’s bendable versus rigid).

 3. Roll with the punches.  We can’t predict everything so work with what you’ve got (like lemons into lemonade… or un-sweet tea into sweet tea… yum!)

4. Retain a fun spirit (don’t be so uptight and so let opportunities slip by.  Do something that brings you joy as well as sharing that joy with others!

5. Realize God’s presence and ability to make ANYTHING happen (and really, that’s the main thing here, but I saved the best for last).  He’s the one to talk to about whatever, so why not?  He's the ultimate future anyway, right?!