Getting Outside

I’d forgotten... no, not totally forgotten, but had my senses dulled to the fact that I have missed being outside so much! Its true, I am here in PNG. Almost anything grows (sometimes even without being planted) and its never far to the “bush” (or jungle). Therefore, why should I be missing “outside” so much (other than an office job lately)? However, I’m a woman. Believe it or not, that has a bit to do with it. Like other places in the world, its not always safe for women to be out on their own. Here, I have a “plus” factor of being white, so I don’t exactly blend right in, but (instead) stand out (and almost glow). When I’m out in public (even in a group), I’m typically super alert. This level of alertness can really take it out of ya. (*Note to myself: Never become a wanted criminal.)

Though we have fences surrounding where we live, people are always walking by and can easily look in (if the blinds are open or if I’m outside in the front and some areas in the back of the property). One more time: white women attract attention here.

All of this to say that I got to be outside AND exploring places I haven’t yet been because of the running group. Emily and Steve (along with others, when they’re in country) have been running most Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I was in the middle school track team, ran a few times in college with friends, and did a Mud Run race during my time in Dallas, but I don’t really consider myself a “runner”. (Seriously, I don’t often find enjoyment with it.) Its always struggle with the “mind over matter” concept. I know I’ve got the strength in me, if I’d only push on with it.

Its like an argument going on in my head:
“Come on, I do zumba so this should be nothing.”
“But I don’t feel too great. What if I throw up or pass out?”
“Shut up. Just keep your breathing pace and you’ll be fine.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t be pushing myself so fast. Shouldn’t I save up this energy for the end?”
“Don’t be such a wimp. Think of your brother. Its in your blood. He only goes fast or faster... so don’t stop.”
“...I can’t take it! It hurts so bad! I can’t do their pace, so why try? I’ll just walk really fast for a bit.”
“Don’t you dare stop!!!!  You know if you do its harder to run again!”
(Starts walking)
“I’m such a failure. A quitter. Worthless loser. Stupid.”
“Come on. Pretend you need to run from someone or maybe try to overtake the others. Go. Try again.”
(Starts running)
“Make up the distance. Its in your blood. Go. Yes! Push it! Think how ripped you’ll look! ...Done!”

Yep. That’s my mind. Through all this, when its done, I’m excited to go again. Running may help cardio and muscle, but if I can conquer my mind, I will be strong.  But back to my original topic...

I got some freedom outside! We ran around and through a golf course. At one point, I thought I smelled honeysuckle! It reminded me of home! And the beauty of the green grass, the ponds, the ocean, the trees... totally worth every second!

After stretching and convo, I filled up my water bottle, grabbed some crackers, put the tail gate down on the truck (that I parked in the back of my house where little to none can watch me), and enjoyed just being outside. Then came the screaming...

From the next yard over, a roaring commotion broke out. There were guys yelling, women and children screaming, and, from what I could gather, a fight going on. I couldn’t really see anything (since there are metal fences between the properties that aren’t see through), but noticed people on the street were heading closer to check out what was going on.  (Seriously, almost always someone around on the street.) I wondered if I should go inside, but didn’t feel in immediate danger. I prepped myself to move fast if necessary, but doubted they’d head over our fence rather than just run towards the street.

Things came to a halt soon enough and they began using their words to talk it out. It sounded like there was a mediator so when a voice would be raised, the mediator would calm them down again. My neighbor, Lori, who lives on the same property as I do (within the same gate) drove in and I told her what’d happened. She and I agreed that its “pasin bilong PNG” (or the way many here do things). People get so emotional so fast and lose it. No doubt anywhere we go, there will always be something people need to work on and improve.

Anyway, it died down and I went on inside. I’m still extremely blessed for my time outside. Getting to exercise does help people release stress, and those with whom I ran gave me many encouraging words. I can get pretty hard on myself (though when I’m trying to get through some things, I’d rather not have many words of encouragement for some reason), but they gave me these words after we were done, so I took them. I look forward to running with them as often as possible and eagerly anticipate kicking my butt (so it’ll... I mean “I” will look better as well as feel better too).