Constructive Criticism

Have you ever watched a talent show (like American Idol, America's Got Talent, or other--obviously not all from America) and seen those who think they can sing... and can't? When a judge is straight up blunt with them, it hurts but is somewhat refreshing too. Still, how could they not see it before being on national television!? Oh yes... because friends or family or perfect strangers all wanted to be uplifting and didn't want to hurt someone's feelings, right?

There can be denial that happens as a result of such news ...or acceptance.

I want to apply this to a few other abilities beyond singing. Think of interior design. Or directing. Or dancing. Or acting. Or counseling. And so on and so on. Almost any job. When is it a good time to say, "look, I don't think this is for you... not your strong suit"? (Seriously, I'm wanting an answer here!)

Now, I don't want to be misunderstood. I believe that people need to try new things and can learn from experience. If someone messes up, learn from it!

What I'm talking about is a person that is either a sensitive (or sometimes stubborn) friend or even a superior. A person who keeps on making the same mistakes over and over and doesn't see them as mistakes to correct. A person who gives you jobs to do so that their decisions affect how others see you as well.

Criticism can come to anyone at any time, but turning it into constructive criticism takes work and practice. I'm totally not perfect at giving it yet. However, when I try to give it to someone who doesn't even want it (or refuses to listen at all), its rough.

Let's flip it around. Could you (or I) be one of these people that thinks we're awesome at something when we're just not? Are you able to take advise or direction? I know its hard for me in times when I don't respect the person giving it or when I've just not processed the fact that I need it. We can ultimately only change ourselves, but we do have an effect on others around us.

Let's not be critical, but be constructive.

Valentine's Day... Why?

I have never had a date (with a guy) on Valentine's Day. I've gotten to hang out with friends, and (though I can call them "friend dates") its not the same.

While I was in PNG, I didn't have a problem with this day. There's nothing to remind me of it because it doesn't exist there. When I was younger, I loved it. I would try to do something for my parents and enjoyed sending cute messages to classmates. As I got into high school, I liked surprising some of my friends with notes/valentines of encouragement and greetings. This followed a bit into college where those of my friends who were single would get together with me, and we'd hang out to celebrate our singleness as well as our annoyance of the "couple holiday".

Now that I'm in the States and have all of these commercials, gifts, and banquets shoved to my attention again, I decided to look up who started it in the first place (so I'd know who to blame).

According to an article that I found on the internet (surely true, right?), a pope was trying to replace a holiday around the month of February that had guys picking girl's names out of an urn so that those girls would be their lovers for a full year. The pope apparently wanted to change it to pick out a saint's name and strive to act more like them throughout the year. I can see the reasons for this, but it didn't really work. Eventually, it changed into what we've got today with more details that I'm sure you can find on the internet as well.

So, what do I do now? I guess I'll do what I've been doing: celebrate my singleness and encourage others through it. I will admit that I have moments when I'm bummed out, but why should I get down because I don't have a date? I have many lovely people in my life... and if that fails (because they all are coupled up), there's always jamming out to music and having a personal dance party. But even more so than these things, I have God who loves me and knows what I need, right when I need it.

Happy Valentine's Day OR Single's Awareness Day everyone!

How It Was Meant To Be

I have known that I am (more or less) a quiet person. To those who know me more or most, I am not always so. Even with these close friends or family members, I still usually reel it back with many things. A big thing that often I do this with is music.

Let's face it! When I'm around others, I don't want to be extremely loud, annoying, or seemingly arrogant. Though I sing with a few (my sister and mother most of the time), I'm typically listening in order to blend better with them and harmonize when I can.

My sister mentioned recently that I have seemed more reserved since coming back from Papua New Guinea. Its like I've been reverting back to when I was in middle school or before. Only a few knew the deeper "me". I would only open up with some I had tested little by little and had found that they would be less inclined to judge or make fun of me. Not many people really did that ever anyway, but I've always been cautious. In any case, I did notice that my singing in PNG was lessened (since everyone could hear me because of living so close together).

Because I'm now in Pride and Prejudice and we've been rehearsing, I've been working on projecting with a British accent. I hope I'm getting better (since it bugs me when lines aren't heard during a play). After practicing, my family went out for dinner. Seeing that I had to leave for the theatre soon after, I stayed, did some dishes, and sang like I haven't gotten to sing in so very long!

I didn't have to worry about bothering anyone's activities or thinking that someone else might hear. I just sang. And I loved it and realized how much I'd missed it. Truly, I've been singing more since I got back into the States, but not quite like this. I sang powerfully and felt free. I used my voice like God has made it and I sang songs like they were meant to be sung.

I cannot say that I will immediately become like I was in high school and through college, nor will I promise that I will remain in this more-shy state. I will say that this entire thing is a part of who I am. I am reserved and outgoing. I am able to give and take. But I suppose what I found today was that I still need to find a way to let my voice out and not be ashamed of what others may think.

I want to live my life how it's meant to be.

Productivity

There are many days when I feel like I am not productive. Usually on those days, I don't have a list, don't check off many things from a list I made, or when I'm being plain lazy. Since I am yet to be employed, I feel like many people think I'm not doing much all day. Some days, they're right. Today, however, they would be incorrect.

I made a list the previous evening for today and I ended up checking off every single thing (except one). I spoke to a friend last night about productivity. I am definitely a list/planner person (unless I feel like a rebel that day). She is not quite like me. So I asked her what makes her get things done. She suggested a deadline can do the job. Another thing she mentioned was for her to have a separate work space (not around family members or friends) so she can focus on the task at hand.

There are some other things that motivate me: one being others' expectations. Thus, I was wondering what motivates you? I don't expect to hear back from many on here, but it is one thing that I am interested in if I am to motivate others to better themselves.

Also, if you are using this blog to procrastinate, go be productive!! (But thanks for reading!)

When God speaks...

I was asked to be a leader of a group of interns to PNG next summer. I said "yes". I'm really excited and hope I'm a good leader! I've been praying for my teammates and know that God is pulling me towards this. Here's something that not many people know: I was among some that were asked to lead the PNG internship last summer. It didn't feel right when I prayed about it, so I said "no" back then. I know that there are reasons why it was not time for me to lead and some have speculated on some of those, reassuring me of reasons they now see that they couldn't see then. It was the right decision.

Others often ask me, "how do you know what God says?" Honestly, there has never been a super easy answer to that question. Its not a voice that comes down or a coin I flip. Its not always the same leading or guidance that happened before. There are times that God can show us His will by something big, but most times, its subtle. For periods of time, He seems to be silent, like He's waiting to see if we really want to know and are going to pay attention if He shows us the way.

The Word of God shows us about God's character and God's will. "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." (Romans 12:2) With prayer, some advise from wise friends, knowing one's gifts as well as realizing comfort zones are often stretched, being honest with oneself and God, and taking time to listen through the noise around us, we can better renew our minds and follow the will of God.

There have been many of my friends who have gotten married. When I ask how they knew that their guy was the one, many have said, "you just know". I hate that answer. I always want a clear direction and I wouldn't mind a written out plan and route. I suppose that's me trying to control everything. That's not faith. Sometimes, its listening in the silence to what God might send. Other times, its praying and then stepping out in faith to see if God opens or closes a door. And still other times, its deciding if God is allowing an obstacle in our way so we can overcome it through Him, learning and growing more as we go.

Often times, I want to hang back or rush forward. Instead, I need to walk, hand in hand, with my Lord, fixing my eyes on Him.

I was talking to my mom the other day, and she made an interesting connection. She said that all of the things that went wrong on my trips to and from PNG (while on my own) were probably preparations. Though things could've turned out way worse (and thus I saw God's protection through them), the hardships that I encountered will help me be better equipped to take care of a group while in transit. (Just as a side note: while I was in PNG's country, I was usually with others that were looking out for me, so during that time, it wasn't very hard to be in transit or in difficult situations, should they arise.)

God hasn't let me down yet, and so I will not give up faith in Him or in what He is helping me to become. I'll just keep listening...

Cure for a Zombie

Do you ever feel like you're a zombie? Its like you can move and go throughout your day, but you're really not very "alive".

Lately, I've been feeling like this quite a bit. I can be super busy or doing nothing, and yet I can totally feel my brain slowly rotting as I get on social media, sit expressionless in front of the television, or don't see much of the sun. Its not about bashing social media or even media in general.

In fact, it was on a social media post from a friend that I was inspired to try again at making changes in my life.  (For example, consistent exercising, practicing guitar, being intentional about time with friends, and all those forgotten New Year's resolutions.) My lovely friend shared the following link and said she'd thought of me while reading this. If you take time to read it, I hope it touches you as well.

http://velvetashes.com/we-are-women-who/

When my days, from my point of view, look boring, unproductive, and ineffective to help people in some way, its a personal downer. "Will another day be wasted that I can't get back?" It can be hard to pick myself up the next day and say, "let's make this day better than the last"... but here, out of the ashes of a seemingly dead life, I am challenged. Challenged to look at the person I am, or was, or want to be, and regroup.

Life should not be pathetic and was never meant to be! I don't know if you may have felt like I have. Maybe so or maybe not. If so, I ask you to stand with me as we help each other get up and try again. We are not alone and we have so much life to live.

I guess, when I write all of this, I want to point out a few things:

First, it takes effort to truly live. Like the song "Try Again" by Aaliyah says, "If at first you don't succeed, you can dust if off and try again. Dust yourself off and try again." (I love the beat of the song!!) Life can get monotonous, so let's find and create ways to spice it up again!

Second, we mess up... and quite a bit if I may add, but it's just as it says in the "Dark Knight" movies. "Why do we fall?... so we can learn to pick ourselves up."

And third, we are not alone. As Luna Lovegood says (in Harry Potter), "Well if I were You-Know-Who, I'd want you to feel cut off from everyone else. Because if it's just you alone, you're not as much of a threat." We can make a difference if we understand that we are not alone. Praise God, because He's with us too!

So how do we cure the zombies inside us? Wake up ...and see above. ;)

Can I do this?: Pics #25 & 26

Since I didn't put a picture up yesterday, I'm putting up two (one for today and yesterday) as I think back to my time in 2011 with a good friend and two of my cousins. One thing though: I'm changing my challenge. I really don't know if I can do a picture everyday for an entire year. Let's face it, I've cheated a slight bit by putting up some pictures from years past. Its not a bad thing, but I don't want to do this just to do it. If I put something up here, I want it to mean something more than "look, I took a random picture today". I guess, since most of my time is spent at home (now-a-days... thanks to no consistent job as of yet), I feel like there's not too much to see or write about. Well, actually, there's almost always something to write about... but when it comes to snapping pictures, its not a all-the-time thing.

Anyway, I'm going to make the challenge for 50 pictures and it doesn't have to be an everyday thing. At the end of that, I'll re-evaluate to see how its going. Its almost like it becomes a hassle or routine if its for every day.

So, for today's (and yesterday's) pictures... They are of a friend and a time that I'm thinking about. When certain times of the year come, there are memories that are remembered along with them. My good friend, Megan, had the brilliant idea for us to take out my little cousins. We went ice skating and then had a bit of ice cream. I'm not that great at ice skating... or really any kind of skating... but I managed not to fall. I had been nervous because I didn't want to fall on top of one, or both, of my cousins. By the end of the day, everyone was tired out. It was fun and I was amazed at how fast the kids picked it up!

I miss bunches of friends. The sad reality is that many of my closest friends live hours (if not states or countries) away. We keep in touch, but its never the same as asking a friend, "hey, you wanna hang out?" and getting together right then. My friends that live nearer usually seem to be busy and some have changed to the point that we don't have too much in common with each other as we did before I left for PNG.

I don't want to be a downer. I do enjoy spending time with my family. I suppose that something's got to give as far as my social calendar. But for now, I'm just missing the time when friends and I were close (in proximity).