How It Was Meant To Be

I have known that I am (more or less) a quiet person. To those who know me more or most, I am not always so. Even with these close friends or family members, I still usually reel it back with many things. A big thing that often I do this with is music.

Let's face it! When I'm around others, I don't want to be extremely loud, annoying, or seemingly arrogant. Though I sing with a few (my sister and mother most of the time), I'm typically listening in order to blend better with them and harmonize when I can.

My sister mentioned recently that I have seemed more reserved since coming back from Papua New Guinea. Its like I've been reverting back to when I was in middle school or before. Only a few knew the deeper "me". I would only open up with some I had tested little by little and had found that they would be less inclined to judge or make fun of me. Not many people really did that ever anyway, but I've always been cautious. In any case, I did notice that my singing in PNG was lessened (since everyone could hear me because of living so close together).

Because I'm now in Pride and Prejudice and we've been rehearsing, I've been working on projecting with a British accent. I hope I'm getting better (since it bugs me when lines aren't heard during a play). After practicing, my family went out for dinner. Seeing that I had to leave for the theatre soon after, I stayed, did some dishes, and sang like I haven't gotten to sing in so very long!

I didn't have to worry about bothering anyone's activities or thinking that someone else might hear. I just sang. And I loved it and realized how much I'd missed it. Truly, I've been singing more since I got back into the States, but not quite like this. I sang powerfully and felt free. I used my voice like God has made it and I sang songs like they were meant to be sung.

I cannot say that I will immediately become like I was in high school and through college, nor will I promise that I will remain in this more-shy state. I will say that this entire thing is a part of who I am. I am reserved and outgoing. I am able to give and take. But I suppose what I found today was that I still need to find a way to let my voice out and not be ashamed of what others may think.

I want to live my life how it's meant to be.