Hike to Igoi

I knew we would make it to the top. I just didn't know how the journey from the starting point through the end would be. We had bounced up and down in the two vehicles that were driving us as far as possible towards the village of Igoi. We got to a bridge that was slanted and not connected to our side of it. It was evident that we would start walking from there. We got our things out of the cars, over the bridge, and by the river. We waited for a while and a few people came to help us get our things across the river... and then we waited for a few hours more.

When we got a few more people to walk with us and to help us carry things, I wanted to carry my backpack for as long as I could. The first bit of the hike was through thick mud and vines at our feet. There weren't many trees as cover, but for this hike, we got going early enough that it wasn't blazing. There were times when the mud would cling to our shoes/boots and for the other two expat girls in our group, some of the women would cut mud off of their shoes. I figured the mud would eventually come off when we got into the jungle. I don't remember how long it took, but I was asked about four different times if I wanted to give my pack to someone else. I said "no" for four times, and then, at one point, I just stopped and gave it away.

We eventually made it into the jungle and, shortly after, to a river that we walked through and then had a break. They said this was the halfway mark, but I doubt it. From there on, it was pretty much up. Like, straight up. At some points, we were almost climbing on the side of the mountain. One misstep could mean that we ended up 50 feet below. At one point, one of the interns had asked how much longer we had. Someone replied, "Em klostu liklik." Directly translated, this means "its pretty close." But culturally, this could mean, "if we keep walking like this, we should get there today." To the interns, this meant around 30 minutes. About 40 minutes later, we came to a spot where the trees opened up and we could see more of the mountains ahead. One of the nationals pointed to a house almost on top of the mountain we were beside of and said, "we'll be going by that house and then be at Igoi." My interns were not happy and I decided that even I could've done without that knowledge. From then on, the interns learned about the cultural difference of "klostu liklik" and "klostu tru" (really close).

After about 6 or 7 hours from where we began hiking, we made it to the top of the mountain. As we all laid on our backs on the ground, one of the interns got some energy and chased kids around. When we had chilled out on the grass for a while, we eventually made it up to the house we were to stay in, checked on the water and battery situation, pumped water some up to the top of the house, sorted things, and started dinner. We wound down, found huge geckos, and eventually went to sleep on our first night (at least the interns' first night) in Igoi.

What Do You See?

What makes up a person if not for their experiences? Why are some able to be so vulnerable when others shut everyone out? What makes us fight or run or freeze? What gives us joy and sorrow?

Sometimes, I almost wish I could be like Sherlock Holmes. I know he's a fictional character, but even so, I marvel at things that can be discovered through looking closely at the details.

Do you see others? (And I'm talking about the kind of "seeing" that is described in the movie Avatar -the one with the blue people- where its deeper than looking with our eyes. Its accepting who that person is.) I ask that question, because many times, I walk through a store and am in task-mode. Sometimes, when around others that I've known my entire life, I'm going through the motions and don't take time to see them.

Once, a recent friend asked me if I had ever done ballet. I said, "yes, when I was maybe 3 or 4 years old. How did you know?" He replied that he noticed how I held my hand and fingers in a particular way. He related it to someone else he knew who had done ballet. What?! Something so small, but he'd noticed. People remember when someone takes time on them, when someone notices them, and when someone sees them.

In such a generation that is so focused on themselves, it seems like they are crying out to be noticed. I've been trying to ask more questions about them. When I do, I see looks that are slightly taken back from the fact that I'm asking about their lives. As much as I want to be seen sometimes, this life is ultimately not about me and my glory. When I ask about others and find myself investing in them, I hope that I can honor God through the process.

If people are yearning for a chance to be noticed and to know that they are special, then why shouldn't that be a way for us to decrease and Him to increase? Let us see each other in love, trying to understand motivations, and turning the attention towards the One who created us and was willing to die so that we could know His love.

Constructive Criticism

Have you ever watched a talent show (like American Idol, America's Got Talent, or other--obviously not all from America) and seen those who think they can sing... and can't? When a judge is straight up blunt with them, it hurts but is somewhat refreshing too. Still, how could they not see it before being on national television!? Oh yes... because friends or family or perfect strangers all wanted to be uplifting and didn't want to hurt someone's feelings, right?

There can be denial that happens as a result of such news ...or acceptance.

I want to apply this to a few other abilities beyond singing. Think of interior design. Or directing. Or dancing. Or acting. Or counseling. And so on and so on. Almost any job. When is it a good time to say, "look, I don't think this is for you... not your strong suit"? (Seriously, I'm wanting an answer here!)

Now, I don't want to be misunderstood. I believe that people need to try new things and can learn from experience. If someone messes up, learn from it!

What I'm talking about is a person that is either a sensitive (or sometimes stubborn) friend or even a superior. A person who keeps on making the same mistakes over and over and doesn't see them as mistakes to correct. A person who gives you jobs to do so that their decisions affect how others see you as well.

Criticism can come to anyone at any time, but turning it into constructive criticism takes work and practice. I'm totally not perfect at giving it yet. However, when I try to give it to someone who doesn't even want it (or refuses to listen at all), its rough.

Let's flip it around. Could you (or I) be one of these people that thinks we're awesome at something when we're just not? Are you able to take advise or direction? I know its hard for me in times when I don't respect the person giving it or when I've just not processed the fact that I need it. We can ultimately only change ourselves, but we do have an effect on others around us.

Let's not be critical, but be constructive.

Valentine's Day... Why?

I have never had a date (with a guy) on Valentine's Day. I've gotten to hang out with friends, and (though I can call them "friend dates") its not the same.

While I was in PNG, I didn't have a problem with this day. There's nothing to remind me of it because it doesn't exist there. When I was younger, I loved it. I would try to do something for my parents and enjoyed sending cute messages to classmates. As I got into high school, I liked surprising some of my friends with notes/valentines of encouragement and greetings. This followed a bit into college where those of my friends who were single would get together with me, and we'd hang out to celebrate our singleness as well as our annoyance of the "couple holiday".

Now that I'm in the States and have all of these commercials, gifts, and banquets shoved to my attention again, I decided to look up who started it in the first place (so I'd know who to blame).

According to an article that I found on the internet (surely true, right?), a pope was trying to replace a holiday around the month of February that had guys picking girl's names out of an urn so that those girls would be their lovers for a full year. The pope apparently wanted to change it to pick out a saint's name and strive to act more like them throughout the year. I can see the reasons for this, but it didn't really work. Eventually, it changed into what we've got today with more details that I'm sure you can find on the internet as well.

So, what do I do now? I guess I'll do what I've been doing: celebrate my singleness and encourage others through it. I will admit that I have moments when I'm bummed out, but why should I get down because I don't have a date? I have many lovely people in my life... and if that fails (because they all are coupled up), there's always jamming out to music and having a personal dance party. But even more so than these things, I have God who loves me and knows what I need, right when I need it.

Happy Valentine's Day OR Single's Awareness Day everyone!

How It Was Meant To Be

I have known that I am (more or less) a quiet person. To those who know me more or most, I am not always so. Even with these close friends or family members, I still usually reel it back with many things. A big thing that often I do this with is music.

Let's face it! When I'm around others, I don't want to be extremely loud, annoying, or seemingly arrogant. Though I sing with a few (my sister and mother most of the time), I'm typically listening in order to blend better with them and harmonize when I can.

My sister mentioned recently that I have seemed more reserved since coming back from Papua New Guinea. Its like I've been reverting back to when I was in middle school or before. Only a few knew the deeper "me". I would only open up with some I had tested little by little and had found that they would be less inclined to judge or make fun of me. Not many people really did that ever anyway, but I've always been cautious. In any case, I did notice that my singing in PNG was lessened (since everyone could hear me because of living so close together).

Because I'm now in Pride and Prejudice and we've been rehearsing, I've been working on projecting with a British accent. I hope I'm getting better (since it bugs me when lines aren't heard during a play). After practicing, my family went out for dinner. Seeing that I had to leave for the theatre soon after, I stayed, did some dishes, and sang like I haven't gotten to sing in so very long!

I didn't have to worry about bothering anyone's activities or thinking that someone else might hear. I just sang. And I loved it and realized how much I'd missed it. Truly, I've been singing more since I got back into the States, but not quite like this. I sang powerfully and felt free. I used my voice like God has made it and I sang songs like they were meant to be sung.

I cannot say that I will immediately become like I was in high school and through college, nor will I promise that I will remain in this more-shy state. I will say that this entire thing is a part of who I am. I am reserved and outgoing. I am able to give and take. But I suppose what I found today was that I still need to find a way to let my voice out and not be ashamed of what others may think.

I want to live my life how it's meant to be.

Productivity

There are many days when I feel like I am not productive. Usually on those days, I don't have a list, don't check off many things from a list I made, or when I'm being plain lazy. Since I am yet to be employed, I feel like many people think I'm not doing much all day. Some days, they're right. Today, however, they would be incorrect.

I made a list the previous evening for today and I ended up checking off every single thing (except one). I spoke to a friend last night about productivity. I am definitely a list/planner person (unless I feel like a rebel that day). She is not quite like me. So I asked her what makes her get things done. She suggested a deadline can do the job. Another thing she mentioned was for her to have a separate work space (not around family members or friends) so she can focus on the task at hand.

There are some other things that motivate me: one being others' expectations. Thus, I was wondering what motivates you? I don't expect to hear back from many on here, but it is one thing that I am interested in if I am to motivate others to better themselves.

Also, if you are using this blog to procrastinate, go be productive!! (But thanks for reading!)

When God speaks...

I was asked to be a leader of a group of interns to PNG next summer. I said "yes". I'm really excited and hope I'm a good leader! I've been praying for my teammates and know that God is pulling me towards this. Here's something that not many people know: I was among some that were asked to lead the PNG internship last summer. It didn't feel right when I prayed about it, so I said "no" back then. I know that there are reasons why it was not time for me to lead and some have speculated on some of those, reassuring me of reasons they now see that they couldn't see then. It was the right decision.

Others often ask me, "how do you know what God says?" Honestly, there has never been a super easy answer to that question. Its not a voice that comes down or a coin I flip. Its not always the same leading or guidance that happened before. There are times that God can show us His will by something big, but most times, its subtle. For periods of time, He seems to be silent, like He's waiting to see if we really want to know and are going to pay attention if He shows us the way.

The Word of God shows us about God's character and God's will. "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." (Romans 12:2) With prayer, some advise from wise friends, knowing one's gifts as well as realizing comfort zones are often stretched, being honest with oneself and God, and taking time to listen through the noise around us, we can better renew our minds and follow the will of God.

There have been many of my friends who have gotten married. When I ask how they knew that their guy was the one, many have said, "you just know". I hate that answer. I always want a clear direction and I wouldn't mind a written out plan and route. I suppose that's me trying to control everything. That's not faith. Sometimes, its listening in the silence to what God might send. Other times, its praying and then stepping out in faith to see if God opens or closes a door. And still other times, its deciding if God is allowing an obstacle in our way so we can overcome it through Him, learning and growing more as we go.

Often times, I want to hang back or rush forward. Instead, I need to walk, hand in hand, with my Lord, fixing my eyes on Him.

I was talking to my mom the other day, and she made an interesting connection. She said that all of the things that went wrong on my trips to and from PNG (while on my own) were probably preparations. Though things could've turned out way worse (and thus I saw God's protection through them), the hardships that I encountered will help me be better equipped to take care of a group while in transit. (Just as a side note: while I was in PNG's country, I was usually with others that were looking out for me, so during that time, it wasn't very hard to be in transit or in difficult situations, should they arise.)

God hasn't let me down yet, and so I will not give up faith in Him or in what He is helping me to become. I'll just keep listening...