Shaking from Butterflies

I've always wondered at butterflies.  Such a beautiful creation!  So gentle and yet, they have survived in a world that is fierce and harsh.

Yesterday, I was getting ready to go to church when the butterflies came.  Out of nowhere!  Actually, the source was in an email.  I have the option of going to PNG much sooner than I'd thought was possible.  Its true that the option was there the entire time, but I thought I didn't want it.  The plan was to do literacy work training here in the states and then head over to specifically do that.  I come to believe that God has a slightly different plan.  I will train while working there.  I'll still be doing literacy work in order to help the people of PNG to learn to read God's Word.

At the suggestion of change and the possibility of moving things sooner, I started to shake.  It was like the butterflies one gets before getting up to sing in front of people, going down the first drop on a roller coaster, or the decision to jump of a ledge with a rope tied to your feet.  My heart began racing and I wanted to cry just to release tension.  I prayed to God.  "What exactly do you want me to do?"  And He began answering me; not in a big, booming voice that I could hear, but He spoke to my heart through His spirit that lives in me.

When I got to church, I was a few minutes late.  We had been going through Romans and found ourselves in chapter 5.  We talked about how God's spirit lives within us, how Jesus came just at the right time, and how we became justified and reconciled.  As a relating reference, Philip (the evangelist--from Acts 8) came up.  The Spirit lead him (bit by bit) and then told him to talk to the Ethiopian.  Because of this, the Ethiopian was saved and praised God.  The Spirit told him, "go this way", so Philip did.  I want that leading to happen in my life.

On the way home, I told God that if my Mom was okay with it and was at peace with it, then He was telling me to go on to PNG as a Short Term Assistant (for two years).  I never really know what Mom's going to think so I figured anything could happen.  When I talked to her about it, she was good with it!  I'm still praying over it before publicly making the decision (though the internet is more public, but whatever).  I do believe that this is what I need to do.

Still, as I think about it and talk it over, I begin to shake (both out of nervousness and excitement).  I've got a good job with all my things around me, and I'm settled in where I am.  I'm comfortable, so part of me says "why should I go?... why should I exchange all of this to have my face, eyes, lips dried out by an airplane ride, go through intense language training, hike and get my feet stuck in the mud, along with possibility having to eat strange dishes and miss my friends and family?... I'm fine where I am!"

Its this thought that is even scarier than facing the unknown and having no plan.  I don't want my life to be simply "normal" and "routine".  God meant for our lives to be adventures and for us to risk everything; He did everything for us.  So then... I'll Prepare.  Pray.  Have faith that God will provide what I need.  Get on a plane (or two... or three...) and follow -- step by step -- what His spirit tells me (always looking for opportunities).  With or without butterflies.

Now, to get to work...